According to an Instagram teaser clip, tomorrow the one and only man who knows exactly what my taint needs, Nick Jonasty, will be releasing a music video in which he shows nips and more while swimming underwater! Since I'm doing everything I can to quell the storm raging in my butthole, I thought today's best distraction would be the amazingness of the Gay Internet and how we now know that Pennywise and The Babadook are official gay fuck buddies!
I would do crazy gross things to fair-haired superstar Patrick Wilson, and I definitely fell for him when I first saw that movie about a child molestor or something called Little Children (2006). But he's done much more than movies about child molestors, and you can see Wilson's cock in Angels in America (2003) and his uh-mazing bubble butt in Hard Candy (2005), Watchmen (2009), and more!
I used to say that my ideal man ass would fit the description of "plump" but after seeing Alan Ritchson go majorly ass out on Blood Drive, I have to say my new ideal ass description is "wildly disproportionate."
Today's amateur video comes from two hot dudely dudes getting frisky in a bathroom filled with other hot dudely dudes who may or may not realize that maj dick choking is going down. I guess the two guys pissing are aware of noises, but I really really want to know if they know someone's mouth is getting plastered.
My mouth is lubed and ready to go after all the salivating I've been doing thanks to this new hot as holy hell Instagram pic from Nyle DiMarco! The fluidiest deafest model in the biz shows off his infamously hairy body, complete with thighs that are so fuzzy I just absolutely need to coif them with my seed.
Dawson's Crease, or Dawson's Big Fuckable Cock? You decide.
Also, toilet dick pics. Hot or not?
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Matthew Camp's taintular region isn't really a secret anymore, and if anything, it's the familiar friend on the Gay Internet that lets me know everything in this topsy turvy world is going to be okay. In a new dick video, the non-porn star's fat suckable junk greets us with a playful jiggle, and I'm honestly both hot and bothered! Notice how Camp delicately displays his balls like he's on the Home Shopping Network. I'll take 'em!
Those of you who yearn to be drenched in Jamie Dornan's fifty shades of grey matter will be delighted to know that his dick outline makes a cameo in the new trailer for Fifty Shades Breed, I mean, Freed!
What a coincidence. This guy has the exact same body as me! It's nice to know someone else out there knows what it's like to be painfully toned and have -100% body fat.
I'm feeling all sorts of footloose and fancy-free in my no no thanks to the countless shirtless and bulgy shots provided by Bateman. And that dog!
That heavy lifting looks dangerous. I should spot you.
That thing definitely has its own gym membership to Equinox. Or should I say Equine Cocks. Ok bye.
Sorry, girl, I can spot a power piggy bottom a mile away.
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